Torpedo.

Tinatayang tatlong oras bago ngayon..

Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyayari, nagulat na lang ako ng sabihin ko sa kanya, "So pano, tuloy na ako..", pero mas nagulat yata ako sa sinabi niya na, "Wag muna, pasok ka muna sa loob". Pumayag ako. Sa mga pagkakataon na yon, paroot' parito pa rin ang ulirat ko sa realidad at sa kung saan mang dimension. Pero isang beses sa realidad, inabot niya sa akin ang isang “scrap-book” na naglalaman ng "luma" at "bagong" larawan niya. Classic! Sa kabilang banda, facebook, literal! Parang siya lang ang kakilala ko na gumagawa nun ah! Iba ung dating eh. Habang tinitignan ko iyon, napangiti ang utak ko, at madami akong nalaman tungkol sa kanya, bukod sa kinukwento na niya ang bawat isa, kundi dahil sa mga kinuwento ng mismong mga larawan na iyon. Oo nga pala, extra ako sa nakaraan niya, pero hindi sa kahit isa man lang sa mga larawan. Asa ka pa.

Tinatayang apat oras bago ngayon..

Nasa bus kame. Naisip kong masyado na akong nalilibang. Dahil doon, nagsimula akong mangamote, kasabay ang paghahanap ng magandang pagkakataon para ibato ang "punchline". Tameme. Para akong naglalakad sa kalbaryo na gawa ng utak ko. Sa gitna ng usapan, naisip kong natatakot na siya gawa ng nakaraan niya. Nagtanong ako, “So pano maalis ang ‘trauma’?”. Naintindihan niya ang ibig kong sabihin, sumagot siya, “Siguro kapag dumating na ung ‘the one’.”. Biglang lumindol ang mundo ko. Nagpa-panic na ako. Sa mga pagkakataon na yon hindi ko sigurado kung ang mga sumunod na usapan ay nangyari sa totoong mundo o sa isang dimension lang sa utak ko. Tanong uli ako, “Eh pano mo malalaman kung nandyan na ung ‘the one’?”. Sagot uli niya, “Malalaman mo naman un, alam mo ung, kapag nagkakasundo kayo sa mga bagay-bagay.”. Tameme uli. O hindi lang talaga ako nabuhay para sa mga ganitong eksena.

Tinatayang lima-at-kalahating oras bago ngayon..

Kasalukuyang nage-enjoy sa panonood namen ng mga islomong eksena ng mga lumilipad na bala, bato, bakal, dugo, at kung anu-ano pa, sa gitna ng labanan ng isang babae at mga zombies, 3D. Yeahhh! Nerd.

Tinatayang pitong oras bago ngayon..

Sana hindi na matapos to. Masaya akong nakatingin sa mga mata niya habang nagku-kwento siya. Kinigilig yata ako.

Tinatayang walong oras bago ngayon..

Kwentuhan. Biruan. Naglalakad kame nang walang direksyon. Lumalapang ng sundae. Window shopping. At eto pa ang malupet, nagugustuhan ko ang mga “anggulo” na nakikita ng mga mata ko (if you know what i mean. *wink*).

Tinatayang sampung oras bago ngayon..

“Tuloy na po kame ate, kuya”, sabi ko sa iba pang mga tao sa bahay nila. Ilang hakbang pa, nagkahiyaan pa kame kung sino ang mauuna sa gate. Pinauna niya ako. Naisip niya sigurong gusto na talaga ako lapain ng aso niyang si “leia”. Tumuloy kame sa pinaghintay kong taxi. Neutral ang kamote.

Tinatayang labing-isang oras bago ngayon..

Dito na rin naman ako napadaan, habang nakatingin sa isang bakeshop, naalala ko ang nabanggit niya noon na gusto niya “nun”. Bumili ako ng isa para sa kanya. Ngiti.

Tinatayang labing-dalawang oras bago ngayon..

Naghahanda para sa isang lakad. Oo gusto ko siya pero wala lang to’. Sa kabilang banda, dalawa lang kame; isang babae, isang lalake. Sino ang niloko ko?! Syempre may malisya to’!

Balik sa ngayon..

Hindi mapakali. Isa lang ang nabanggit..

“Sana”..

Blog on the go...

Yeah I know it’s been a while since I’ve been here. And there’s really a lot of things that have and has been going on and going through my head that I wanted to write here, and there are a lot of times, well actually every time, it feels like my head will explode for not writing every thoughts I have or events happening in my life from one moment to another. So for now, here’s my quick fix.

And oh, by the way, I wrote this one last Wednesday, and it’s just now that I got the chance to post it here. My notebook is full of these un-posted things already. Anyway, here goes another crap out of my head...

Last Sunday after my band practice, I went to see my friends/classmates from 3^rd year high school, those who are still staying here in Manila, in a karaoke night they’ve arranged using facebook. 21^st century. Wow! I got to chat and had a lot of laughs with them, and it’s so nice exchanging news on what’s going on with them. There’s even secrets from way back that’s just recently revealed. Oh well. There’s this one classmate that I got to talk to about a lot of things including, err, love life. She even told me that she’s having problems with her current boyfriend. Oh wait, that’s still not the problem, she’s in love with him, as in crazy, martyr in-love, even with the fact that this particular loser boyfriend had cheated on her a couple of times already. Hmmm… Omit the crazy part, because hey, there’s crazy in all of us. Ok moving on. I just supported her in her decision, and told her to keep holding on…

What?! Something wrong with what I said? What can I do?! It is this “so-called” “L. O. V. E.” thing that we are talking about! It seems real to me so, I can’t argue with that you know. Good times.

Earlier, while preparing for work, something reminded me of what we talked about that night. I realized, when people usually give advice about love and relationships, they say something like, “do not give your 100% self or your 100% love” kind of, crap? I’d say what the hell. I did not mention any of that by the way. Aside from just supporting her, I should have told her, or should I say, added on my advice to her, which I also want to say to everyone, as my two cents to this particular phenomenon of being human, to just, “Not loose or forget who she is / who we are”.

What I have just said was unclear to me as well. But there’s a question my self gave me from that line...

“Do you know yourself in the first place”?

Etsa Pwera Pera

Sweldo mo na ba? Alam na!

Ok ganito, sa loob ng tatlong segundo pagkatapos ko pakawalan ang tanong, kelangan mo sabihin saken ang pinakaunang sagot na papasok sa isip mo. Game? Game.

"Nanalo ka sa lotto ng 200 million pesos. Ano ang gagawin mo sa pera?"

Three. Two. One.

Eeeeeennngggkkk!! Time's up!

Siguro madami-dami na rin sa mga kakilala ko ang pinag-tanungan ko nyan, pero halos lahat ay magkakapareho ng sagot. Siguro naman may ideya ka kung anu-ano yung mga tipikal na sagot na isinagot nila. Pero bakit kaya ganun? Nawi-weirdohan ako sa sarili ko kasi wala akong pakelam sa pera eh. Pero hindi ko sinasabi na hindi ko kelangan ng pera ha! Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung bakit nahihirapan ako makipag-usap ng tungkol sa pera, kaya siguro napag-isipan ko na wag nang pag-isipan ang tungkol sa pera. Labo. Sige usapang pera tayo, since karamihan ng mga nagta-trabaho eh kaka-sweldo lang. Speaking of trabaho, nang mawala ako sa industriya ng "Call Center", naisipan kong magtrabaho para sa mga kilalang bangko. Iyon e para sanayin ang sarili ko sa usaping pera. Malamang kasi sa araw-araw na gagawin ni Lord e puro usaping pera ang kakaharapin ko. Walang kawala. Tunog walang palyang plano. Kaya siguro nagtagumpay naman ako at eto, nasa "Telecommunications" industry na ako. Eto na. May trabaho na uli ako. Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung baket ngayon pa ako pinuputakte ng isyu tungkol sa pera kesa noong isa akong dalubhasang tambay!? Pormang walang pera naman ako. Ung tipong tumambay lang siguro ako sa isang gilid ng daan kaharap ang isang lata ng "Alaska", eh malamang yagitz na yatigz ang datingan ko. Pero hindi eh, ang tingin saken ng ibang tao ay para bang kaya kong bilihin ang buong mundo! Mukha ba akong ATM machine?

Sa pilosopiya lang siguro nagkakatalo. Example. Meron akong tropa na may trabaho naman, at sinabi niya saken na meron siyang natitipuang "bebe" na gusto niyang ligawan. Ang kaso, tamang anak ng "Coquangco" o "Lopez" o "Ayala" o kung sino mang kilalang hirodes na mayaman dito sa Pilipinas ang datingan ng bruha. Medyo nakaka-ilang nga naman. Pero sinabi ko pa rin na "Ano naman?!" Malamang kasi kumakain pa rin naman ng kanin un! Tumatae sa umaga. Umuutot ng patago paminsan-minsan. In-short, tao pa rin! Kaya pwede! Eh kaso bigla niyang sinabi saken na wala siyang pera. Anak ng tinapa! Parang nakalimutan ko panandalian ang pinag-uusapan namen. Pero nang bumalik ang ulirat ko, sa isip-isip ko, parang plano nya yata bilihin ung babae. E mahirap talaga un! Goodluck!

Oo. Napaka-ipokrito sabihin na sa panahon ngayon ay hindi mo iko-konsidera ang pera sa kung ano mang gagawin mo. Lalo na dito sa Pilipinas. Lalo na dito sa Maynila. Nakakalungkot nga lang isipin na palaging top one ang tinatawag nilang "pera" sa mga usapin. Try mo pansinin. Matatawa ka na lang siguro sa pagkabigo na sa kahit isang araw, kahit isang araw lang, eh walang magbabanggit ng salitang "pera" sa paligid mo. Pustahan pa tayo oh! May bente pa ako dito sa bulsa. GG ka pramis!

Para sa akin kasi eh simple lang ang buhay. Kelangan mo ng pera, oo, wala akong argumento dun. Pero wag mo kakalimutan na gamit lang din ang pera. Wag mong hahayaan na gamitin ka nito. Hindi mo kelangan magbuhay mayaman. Gaano ba naman ung agahan mo araw-araw Frenchbaker, tanghalian mo Itallianis, hapunan mo T.G.I.Fridays?! Ok na siguro un! Pero mas ok siguro kung babawasan ko kayabangan ko. Pero seryoso, ikaw pa rin naman ang mamimili sa huli. Ano mas gusto mo? Ang problemahin "ang" pera? O, problemahin "ng" pera?

Hhhhhhmmmm... Ano kaya?..

Tama na to'ng topic na to! Nakakaurat talaga! Kain na lang tayo! Cancel na yung pustahan kasi libre na lang kita ng burger, bente pesos, presyong pang-adik, "Buy-one-take-one" jan sa kanto! Tara! ^^

Waiting for the rain

“I don’t know”. That’s the phrase I’ve been using a lot lately. I’m not sure if I should be glad if I don’t know or I’m not certain about a thing or two, or should I be cautious. Well what the heck. I overslept again this morning where-in I don’t see any reason why my body should. But I feel so down. No particular reason. I feel like sh*t in the middle of the road being scattered to pieces by a heavy pouring rain. I feel so out of place. I feel so way down. I can’t seem to smile a lot and I’m not sure why. I also noticed myself spacing out a lot lately. And earlier, even a once-in-a-lifetime-sit-beside-a-solofly-super-cute-college-girl-in-her-uniform-in-an-almost-empty-aircon-bus-while-stuck-in-traffic-along-edsa-ayala happened, and yet, I did not do something about it. I just stared up to the gloomy sky, wishing for the rain.

There is so much to do. Also, it’s Friday and I should be off somewhere. There’s even an event that will be held tomorrow where my number one crush in the whole Philippines will be attending, and my friends invited me to take some photos and asked me if I can come. Guess what I answered? “I don’t know”. Well it’s because I just don’t know my schedule yet. I’m still waiting for important calls (yes, even on Saturdays). Or maybe it’s because I feel like this is a crappy week and I’ve been on a losing streak. It is really putting me so out of mood. I think my mom even noticed it earlier and asked me what is wrong. I just told her, “wala lang”. Even my cat, named Bubbles, as I’m writing this, jumps on the table, and five centimeters right into my face, gave me an unusual blank stare. I responded by lying the right side of my face flat on the notebook.

I hope tomorrow will be better.

Come on, self! Get over it already and cheer up!

The rainy season is around anyway!

Cheer up. Cheer up! ^^

Silver to a Vampire

I believe there are really vampires on this world. But I think not as exaggerated as the movies would portray it. And I on the other hand, consider myself as a vampire, in the sense that I’m one of those who are awake during night time, and loves to sleep and just laze around during day time, especially, like on a cloudy sky we had today. Scientific explanation lies on ones body or biological clock. Anyway, let’s just say vampires are really vulnerable to silver. And what if someone who is close to them, someone who is unaware of their true story, gave them silver as a gift? If you are that vampire, would you accept it? Or just throw it away and suck the life out of that pathetic human you value the most?

Well! It’s just hypothetical. But with the same level of scenario, it’s one of the reasons I don’t like gifts. Not that I hate it. I just don’t like awkward situations wherein you are caught in between. Two funny things are; I’m also thankful for gifts, well it’s free right?! And it’s mostly given in goodwill and also can be used as an expression of appreciation. And the other one is, when you realize, it’s those awkward situations that also makes life worthwhile.

One of those random thought that occupies my empty mind on the way home.

Bahala na si Batman

Madami na nga ang tunog na pumapasok sa isip ko, iba-iba pa ang tiyempo at pabago-bago pa ang kinakalabasan. Pero hindi pa naman tapos to'. Baka madami pa akong baguhin. Sa ngayon, eto muna ang pagtiyagaan mo sa pinaka-masayang kanta na gawa ng paborito kong pagkakamali. Islaman na! ^^

♫♪ Bahala na si Batman ♪♫

minsanmayisangkamote

Stanza 1

Ok tara, dun' tayo magkita

Hindi maalala, pero hindi sinasadya

Parang kapalaran, sadyang tinadhana

Nang dahil sa mga kanta (dahil ba sa banda?), tayo ay nagkakilala

Stanza 2

Biglang nainip, naisip kong sumilip

Kahit sa puyat mata'y napapapikit

Hindi mo na mapipilit, na lumayo ang pasakit

Wag kang magpapaakit (ano nga daw ulit?), ay teka! baket ka namimilipit

Pre-chorus 1:

Doon sa tulay, habang naglalakbay

Napailing sabay, napamura sa dighay

Chorus 1:

Ang tanga-tanga (amf amf amf!), ang tanga-tanga (ay pu cha!)

Yari ka yari ka, basag sa bakbakan

Ang tanga-tanga (amf amf amf!), ang tanga-tanga (ay pu cha!)

Ah basta ah basta! Bahala na si Batman!

Stanza 3:

Doon sa tambayan, tayo'y nagkukulitan

Ilang minuto pa, sige lang sa harutan

Tila naiinis, wag ka kasing makulit

Ang bangis-bangis! (Imba ba sa lupit?) Oh no! ika'y namimilipit

Pre-chorus 2:

Doon sa tulay, habang binabaybay

Pagkatapos mag-babay, napamura ang sambit ay..

Chorus 2:

Ang tanga-tanga (amf amf amf!), ang tanga-tanga (ay pu cha!)

Yari ka yari ka, classic ang bakbakan

Ang tanga-tanga (amf amf amf!), ang tanga-tanga (ay pu cha!)

Ah basta ah basta! Bahala na si Batman!

Bridge:

Eh ano naman kung nagbabadya, katotohanang mapakla

Hindi dapat mag-alala, basta sumingit ka sa eksena

Chorus 3:

Hala! Ano itong nararamdaman? (Ikaw yata si Batman)

Wag nang mag-alinlangan (Ako nga ba si Batman?)

Sa umaandar na sasakyan (Ikaw talaga si Batman!)

Sige na, iyo nang pag-bigyan (At ako nga pala si Batman)

Outro:

Ikaw. Ako. Ikaw at ako.

Ah basta ah basta, bahala na si Batman

^^

Hagaran Base

Halos para na akong nagbakasyon ng apat na araw simula nung biyernes ng tanghali paglabas ko ng trabaho. At ngayong araw ng lunes, idineklarang "non-working holiday" dahil sa "Labor Day" noong ika-una ng Mayo, at chamba na namang wala na naman akong schedule para sa trabaho. Iniisip ko na tuloy minsan na hindi na chamba ang mga nangyayari. At wag mo akong pagkakamalian, gustong gusto kong walang pasok kapag wala ring pasok sa trabaho o eskwela ang karamihan sa mga tao. Pero sa linya ng trabaho ko, una, hindi sabado o linggo ang wala kang pasok, pero ako, nasa akin yon. Pangalawa lang ang mga "holiday" na ito, at hindi pa pumalya simula ng mga "holiday" nitong taon katulad ng "Holy Week" at "Araw ng Kagitingan", wala rin akong pasok nun, pramis! At pangatlo, madalas magbago ang schedule ko, simula pa nung nagte-training pa lamang ako, pero eksakto palaging nagbabago bigla para sa pabor ko, as in! Merong ngang isang pagkakataon na hindi sinasadayang kailangan pa namin mag-extend ng oras para sa pagpapraktis para sa banda, eksakto na nagtext ang trainer namin noon na inusog sa alas-dos ng umaga ang training at hindi alas-nuebe noong gabi rin ng praktis na iyon! Hindi pumapalya! Salamat talaga Zhang-Ziyi.

At kaya, kaninang halos magta-tanghalian, pagkagising ko, sobrang init na, sobrang nakakatamad pa para gumawa ng kahit ano. Last resort: tambay at DOTA, ang makabago at napapanahong gawain ng mga batugan. Hindi na ako nagpatumpik-tumpik pa at lumabas ako ng bahay at tinungo ang pinakamalapit na computer shop dito sa amin, pagkatapos na pagkatapos lumamon ng pinaghalong agahan at tanghalian. Sa kalagitnaan ng pagdo-DOTA ko kasama ang iba pang mga magigiting na tambay, nawalan ng kuryente..

Ok sige, lumabas kame ng computer shop mga bandang 4:20 ng hapon, at lantarang tumambay sa daan. May isang nagyaya upang bumili ng "halo-halo", at pumayang ako. Sa halagang bente-pesos, presong pang adik, matitikman mo na ang 1/4 na litro ng langit at tipikal na pampalamig ng mga Pilipino kapag taginit. Habang nakatambay, nakikipag-kwentuhan, at ninanamnam ang pinag-halong tamis at lamig ng "halo-halo", isama mo na ang sustanya na dulot ng usok ng mga dumaraang tri-cycle, meron isa pang nagyaya na maglaro habang wala pang-kuryente at walang magawa; "Mataya-taya", ubusang lahi! Putcha nakakatakot! Ito ang karaniwang laro ng mga bata na "mataya-taya", yun nga lang, kapag may nahuli ka, kasama mo na sya para manghuli ng iba pa, so-on-and-so-forth. Bagamat kaya kong sumali, sobrang tinatamad talaga ako. At isa pa, naguumapaw na ang tiyan ko sa kabusugan sa "halo-halo" at iba pang mga masustansyang chichirya na nginasab ko ng bonggang-bongga kanina habang nanonood ng mga "videos" sa facebook. Pero, pinilit pa rin ako ng iba pa, at ako naman, nagpapilit. Ok fine! Sa aming dose, ako ang pinakamatanda syempre, ang iba pang mga kalahok ay nasa "late-teens" at "early-twenties". Sa simpleng mathematics, malaki ang tyansa na hindi ako ang magiging taya. At ang resulta, ako ang taya, isang kamote. Di hamak na mabilis din naman ako tumakbo, kaya binigyan ko ng partida ang iba para makalayo, at sa simpleng stratehiya na "survival-of-the-fittest" ko naisip na mahuli ang una kong biktima. Ngunit sa huli, nagkaroon ng dayaan sa "area-of-coverage", kaya ayun, wala akong nahuli, at nagdesiyon na akong bumalik.

Sa daan pabalik, may isang malaking patak ng tubig ang dumapo sa paa ko. Dedma. Ilang hakbang pa, isang malaking patak uli ng tubig ang dumapo naman sa balikat ko. Hindi na chamba. Tumingin ako pataas at nakita ang mga namumuong mga ulap. Mukhang dadamayan ako ni kumpareng ulan sa dinadanas ko na pagkatalo. Nang magtipon-tipon uli kame, may nagyaya ng panibagong laro; "Hagaran-Base". Isang laro kung saan ang layunin ng magkabilang grupo ay tapakan ang base ng kalaban upang manalo. Sa kalagitnaan ng masayang laro, sa kalagitnaan ng tag-init, at sa kalagitnaan ng krisis ng Pilipinas sa tubig na isang dahilan na rin kung bakit nawalan ng kuryente, umulan.. Natuwa ang isang kamote.. Gustong gusto nya ang ulan. Ilang saglit pa, bumuhos ang napakalakas na ulan na may dala-dalang malalaking patak. As in Imba! Ngayon na lang ulit ako nakaligo sa ganito kalakas na ulan mula noong taginit din, habang nakatambay sa magandang dalampasigan ng La-iya, Batangas.

Kagabi, nagkaroon ako ng panahon para makapag-isip, pagkakataong masagot ang karamihan sa mga tanong ko, at nagpatibay sa linya ng pagiisip ko hanggang ngayon. At tulad ng laro ng "hagaran-base", naisip ko na ang lahat ng tao ay mayroong layunin na tapakan ang base ng kani-kanilang mga pangarap. Mahirap man o madali, nakakapagod man o hindi, malalaman mong mas magiging masaya ito kung kalaro mo ang mga taong importante sayo.

Ngayon, kakatapos ko lang maligo. At mamayang alas-tres ng madaling araw, balik trabaho na ako. Isang panibagong pagkakataon na naman. Maraming salamat talaga sa isa pang tyansa, at nakakasama kita sa laro ng buhay. ^^

Light and Fluffy time

I woke up at 5:30pm today with only about four hours of sleep, and I think I’ll be just fine. I slept once I came home from work, and it’s really scorching hot. But that’s so me, if I’m sleepy I sleep, but if I’m not, we’ll then I do not. Life is simple right?

I’ve been busy lately, and I’ve been in swimming twice last week, with just a day interval. One is a team building event from work, and the other one with friends. There is just one thing that’s stressing me out lately, “alak” (liquor). My body really can’t stand any sort of liquor, or anything that has alcohol content. And that’s also keeping me busy lately, battling with liquor. I think the worst case happened weeks ago wherein after I decided to drink that freaking “red horse beer” without holding back, I literally almost can’t remember a thing within that time frame. I even can’t remember how I got home. I just have image flashes on my head, and few scenes just like the movies. But not as harsh as how my friends would describe how it happened. They told me that I had been in a fight, but that is so unlikely. Yeah, I had my right eye sore, but later I realized, it’s just because of dirt or just because of the hot weather. But I think that is not the first time it happened. Since college, me and my classmates, whenever we plan on drinking, we plan it so we can sleep afterwards and rest at the comfort of the house of any one of us. I remember a scene in my head that one time, one of our classmates almost died from falling off the roof top because of shouting while giving the airplane that passes by a “dirty finger”. There is also a scene where we are all puking at the same time to a well of pig shit (eeewww, gross!). And I can also remember a time where we are in a room that we call BBB (big brown box), lights are out already, but I can see silhouettes of objects flying around because of throwing, and we are actually messing the whole place up, but we are not fighting. Those are the few things I can hardly remember because of liquor during college, but after school is a different story. Conclusion: I think I’m losing battles against liquor, but winning the war against mediocrity. It’s just “yes” or “no”. I really can’t drink, so I won’t force myself anymore. Now it’s just a matter of how I handle my convictions about my decision.

That’s just few of the things that’s in my mind right now here in my room, I mean, it’s not my room, but this is the place at the house where the computer is, and this is where I spend almost all of my time when at home. And I really appreciate my work schedule right now. Yes it’s just now that I’m feeling the effects of not sleeping in night time, everyday. But I’m fine with it because I can go to work at night, and still can also make time to do the things I need or want to do at day time, any day. But of course, proper scheduling and time management skills are needed on this one.

Right now, I feel good. It’s like I can do anything, but nothing at the same time. I can listen to music or to my favorite radio shows, watch TV, watch DVD’s, or watch series/anime. I can check on my social virtual life. Or I can also make “tambay” (hangout) with friends just outside. Or I can play DOTA or any game that I like. I can read books, write something or even draw something. I can play my guitar, practice. I even already organized my music sheets, but I haven’t backed up my computer files yet, and it’s been months already and I’m so running out of disk space, as in I’m down to MB (megabyte) already! Haha! But still that’s me, laziness kicking in.

Aaaaahhhhh freeee tiiimmmee… But be ready, more thoughts coming in…

Relax. Chill.. ^^

Forces of Nature

I believe this is one of the forces I forgot to consider aside from Hearts and Minds. And in such a way that I think, this is one of what they calls, “Destiny’s” servant. What I mean is, you know at some point in your life, you'd think that, whatever you do, whatever happens, some things are meant to be? It even makes you smile when you see little signs of it, and it calms you down and makes you realize that in one way or another, everything’s going to be okay, and everything will work out just fine. At least that’s what I think. And there are many kinds of servants. I think I know it because I believe one is on my side, which is, although I’m a “kamote”, I have a strong sense of good luck in many ways than the other. And I’m very thankful of that. Time, on the other hand, I cannot identify yet.

Getting back to the point, wherein “again”, a question was formed in my mind;

Is there really such a thing as destiny?

War of Hearts and Minds

Kinapos at nahuli na naman ako sa oras para sabihin ang dapat kong sabihin dahil sa dalawang salita o bagay na pinagtatalunan pa sa isip ko kung ano ba talaga dapat ang pamagat. Kung hindi man, sakto lang rin siguro para malaman ko kung ano nga.

Eto.

Lahat ng sinabi ko sa'yo totoo. Ibig kong sabihin ang lahat ng salitang pinakawalan ko. At kung ano man ang dahilan ko dati na sinabi ko noon, hayaan mong ulitin ko, na ganon pa rin ang dahilan ko ngayon. Ikaw na rin ang muling nagbukas ng natural kong isip. At ikaw din ang tumulong para bumangon muli ang puso ko at hayaang muling lumakad at magpatuloy.

Gusto kong maglaro. Sino ba naman ang ayaw? Masaya yon eh! Pero sa tingin ko hindi sa paraan na gusto mo. Ngunit hindi nangangahulugan na hindi ko ito kaya at hindi ko ito gagawin. Pinipili ko lang palagi na wag na. At bilang muling pagsalungat, binibigyan lang kita ng partida sa ginagawa ko ngayon dito. Kahit na naguumapaw ang tyansa na ako talaga ang talo. Ayos lang saken. Hindi naman ako nag-iipon ng panalo.

Gayun pa man, titignan ko na lang kung sino ang mananalo. Ang tigas ng ulo ko, o, ang tibay ng puso ko para sa'yo.

Sa'yo, tulad ng hiling ko dati, wag mong ipagdamot na ipakita ko ang nararamdaman ko bilang paghanga sa ginawa mo.

At para naman sa ikatatahimik ng naiisip ko, tulad ng nabasa ko dati, ibibigay ko na ang linya, "angtangatangamotalagaelmopakshetkaamf!".

Ano? handa ka na ba?

Ako, hindi pa.

Pero hayaan mo lang.. ^^

Supermassive Black hole

Yan ang tugtog ko ngayon dito sa bus pauwi. Nakumpleto na naman ang sangkap ko sa pagsusulat. Nasa loob ng isang umaandar na sasakyan (sobrang partida), mp3 player, ballpen, likod ng notebook, at blangkong utak. At meron pa yata akong nakalimutan, isang usyosong katabi. Ayos! Game!

Ano nga pala sa Pilipino ang blackhole? Putcha. Basta sa pagkaka-alam ko, ang blackhole ay isang lugar sa kalawakan na kung saan ang isang araw o bituin ay nasira, at dahil dito, nagkakaroon ang lugar na ito ng isang malakas na pwersa upang hatakin, pilipitin, at sirain ang lahat ng bagay sa paligid nito, kahit ilaw o liwanag. Sa madaling salita, delikado daw pumunta dito. "Daw". Ang iba naman ay sinasabing sa gitna daw nito ay, maaaring, isang lagusan papunta sa isang partikular na panahon. Sauce! Napanood ko na to'! Ayawan na!

Pero seryoso, pinili ko pumunta sa isang blackhole ngayon. Maari naman ako manatili dito sa mundo at mamuhay ng matiwasay. Pero, ganoon pa rin ang dahilan ko, kung maganda man ang pupuntahan o hindi, naniniwala pa rin ako sa sinasabi ng iba na, dapat mong pahalagahan ang paglalakbay katulad ng pagpapahalaga na ibinibigay mo sa pupuntahan. At sa paningin naman ng iba pa, ang pagpunta sa isang blackhole ay isang malaking kahangalan at katangahan. At kelan ko nga pala uli inisip ang tungkol sa iniisip ng iba?

Sobrang hirap mag-adjust. Napakadaming dapat gawin. At napakadaming bagay na ayoko nang gawin. At mga bagay na ayoko munang bigyan ng pansin at gawin. Sobrang daming nakasanayan na dapat nang alisin. Para akong nagpapakamatay sa sobrang pagiging tapat sa sarili. At syempre kapag may bida, hindi pwedeng walang kontrabida, ang oras.

At oo nga pala, may isa akong nakalimutan sabihin dati sayo dito. Totoo ang chismis! Callboy na ako! Sobrang huli na ako sa pagsasabi. Hindi ko talaga lubos maisip at paano ako napasok sa ganitong trabaho. Ganoon pa man, nagpapasalamat talaga ako.

Masaya to! ^^

kamote to the MAX..

Sa mga sandaling ito, isa lang ang tumatakbo sa isip ko..

Isa lang..

Isang tao lang..

"Lang"?

Oo pwede rin.. "Lang".

Pasensya na, pero..

wehehe.. ayoko sabihin...

siguro next time..

siguro!

~bitch mode~ ^^

Atlantis

Yesterday I have a job interview which was re-scheduled to next Tuesday because of me and their dress code. Still having time to go to work, I texted my manager that I won’t come for work for that day anyway, and told her I do not feel well because of my headache from the activities of the previous day off. She understands and said it is okay. After visiting a friend in Market! Market! I went straight back home. Even though hungry, I did not eat my lunch. I just took a couple of “pandesal” from the kitchen, a bottle of water from the fridge, and head towards my computer upstairs. Because I do not like go to bed unless I’m really sleepy, I watched a few episodes of “How I Met your Mother” and “The Big Bang Theory”. At about 3:30pm, I felt sleepy. I drank the rest of the water from my bottle and go to sleep.

zzZZZzzzZzZzzzZ…

I slightly woke and looked at the wall clock, 8:30pm. I can hear the T.V. set downstairs, and thought to my self that I should get up and take a meal. But I don’t feel hungry. I decided to continue sleeping.

The “television”, I believe it is where my dream all began…

zzZZZzzzZzZzzzZ…

Me and my friends were watching anime’ when I noticed I’m already “in” the television, the one in the scene riding in the back of a water creature in the middle of the river, having fun, surfacing. Then someone grabbed me from the back and holds me so that I won’t be separated from the creature, which goes straight submerging. I panicked. I tried to force my way into letting go but it’s futile. The next thing was when I’m already in the bottom of the sea. I saw a woman and a child in a not so distant nipa hut, even though running low on air, I immediately swam to them. To my surprise, she’s talking to me and I don’t understand a word she’s saying. I thought to my self how is it even possible? Being that the case, still holding my breath, I made hand signs. I then hear her voice coming directly from her mouth saying, “just let go of it”. I still hold my breath, stopped and think. I go closer to her ears, chose my words, and few air escapes my mouth as I said, “no air”. But then I remembered I can only hold my breath underwater for 30 seconds max, and that’s without having any activity. After that it goes to my mind about the time frame when the sea creature dragged me down here, and the time I spent talking to this woman, which must have took 5 minutes or more. So I tried to relax, and breathed a little. Nothing happened. I tried to inhale again that as if it is air surrounding me, and not water. I did not drown. Then I breathed normally. No water entered my lungs. Not one drop. Amazed, I smiled to her. She just smiled back. Then a bright light radiates from my right. I felt drowsy and fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning lying faced down on the bed of the same nipa hut beside the sea shore. I looked into my right and saw the white sands and blue waters, and felt the warmth of peaceful ambiance. Then I looked to my left and found the baby lying beside me. I was shocked.

How is this possible? Oh yeah, I remember now! I was only dreaming!

The woman from last time stepped in and introduced her self as I rose up. She was “Addelle” and that was her child. Still having the questions in my head, I asked her, “Paano nangyayari to’? Nananaginip lang ako diba?” Again she just smiled and did not answer. Instead she let me carry her child and guided me outside. She introduced me to some people in the area. I even remember the one named “Badong” who toured me in the place, from which I told to him, “Ayos ah! Pareho pa tayo ng nickname!”.

From this point I had a mixture of dream, but still focused on the same story.

Realizing I’m still inside a dream, I got back to Addelle and asked the same question I had earlier, but this time, out of curiosity I added, “But how is everything so vivid? I know I’m in a dream but, how can I get back here in case I woke up?” She placed her right hand on my left shoulder and waved her left hand to the direction of a well. Understanding what she’s trying to imply, I said “Ayoko mauna! Ok sige, sabay na lang tayo!” She then hugged me and jumped into the well. We were swirling around, falling down, but in a slow, gravity-less motion. We ended up in a beach resort, somewhere familiar to me. She blends in the crowd and so do I. Looking around, I saw and old signage of the resort in the distance, which I already saw from before but I’m not sure where. Suddenly I felt the need to “pee”, so I searched for a bathroom. I saw a sign from a door that says, “Right Here!”, so I entered it. But someone noticed and told me I’m not allowed to go in there unless I leave the “potion”. Looking at the bottle of potions from a slightly opened door, I said, “Ok! No problem!” I get in and shut the door without having any idea of what he meant.

I opened my eyes and looked at the wall clock and saw, 4:00am. Then I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

I found myself back on the beach, in Addelle’s hut. And she’s there. We talked about the situation while walking outside. We were both laughing in the middle of the conversation when her friends in an old car stopped in front of us and invited me for a ride. She told me I should go with them. Tipong “Boys Joy Ride” ba! Ok! Game! I hopped in. The next thing I knew we were driving really, really fast in the highway, on a swirling flyover! I even saw the “MegaMall” but re-designed. Futuristic. I realized, “Ano to’ nasa future ako?! Pucha kelangan ko magtanong!” Then they dropped us off. Me and the guy named, I think I heard something like, “Frye”. Cool! The car drove of. We were walking in the car park when Frye said we need to meet and fetch someone, then bring “her” home. We went upstairs and there she was, waiting. A beautiful girl wearing a violet shirt, purple polished nails, and wears a weird kind of violet eye contact lenses but goes gracefully with her beautiful face. I immediately introduced my self and asked for her name. She replied, “Isn’t it obvious?”, and then smiled. Then we went off. I noticed we’re headed for a private plane, 4 seater plane to be exact. For just the three of us.

I know it’s crazy, and that’s my dilemma. This whole thing is crazy enough to begin with.

Then I saw a bystander along the way. I really don’t know what happened but I just called her by the name and goes, “Cynthia, anong year ba tayo ngayon?” But again, for some unknown reason, she replied to me politely and said, “We do not keep track of the time nowadays but the last time I check it was already sometime between 2030 and 2040. As though I’m not shocked, I thanked her and waved goodbye. As I entered the back of the private plane, I found the violet wearing girl sitting there, and learned that Frye is our pilot! Geez! Things are getting crazier and crazier and yet my heart pounds with joy and excitement. As the plane took off, the girl beside me hugs my right arm smiling and said, “It’s Violet… My name is Violet.”

The next thing I knew we were back in Addelle’s place and I saw other people and planes arriving. I felt the need to “pee” and saw a wall. I walk toward its direction and urinated. In the middle of it I saw other people urinate other walls. As I’m finished, I turn around and walked the direction of Addelle’s hut. I saw her along the way, and out of excitement I shouted, “Yahooooo!!!”.

My alarm clock rings as I opened my eyes. It’s 7 o’clock in the morning. I need to prepare for work. Still lying down, confused about my dream, but smiling, I thought of how someone told about Atlantis. I don’t know for certain, but my two cents is that Atlantis can be found in everyone’s dream. And decided I should blog about mine! ^^

I’m a sleepwalker especially when I’m tired, but this time is different. I think it’s my, “Astral Body” that wandered.

One more thing, this afternoon while listening to the “Afternoon Cruise” on the radio at work, I heard the these lines in a song; “These dreams go on when I close my eyes. Every second of the night, I live another life.”

Once more, co-incidence?

Who knows!? ^^